Chances are if you found this page, you are one of the many single men in the world today. That should be an amazing time in your life filled with adventure and empowerment to see the world and discover more about yourself. You should have your choice of women who want to date you and share in your adventures.
Instead, we find that so many men in modern Western society feel shamed for being a man. They feel like they have to jump through hoops to please the women around them. Even more, they are lift wondering, “Is there something wrong with me?” No, you are not alone.
Let’s talk about 7 of these very real challenges and how you can rise above them.
7 Challenges Single Men Must Conquer in Modern Western Culture
1. You’re De-valued in the Market Place
In Guy Garcia’s book, “The Decline of Men”, he makes the compelling case that 65% of all buying decisions in the US are made by, or influence by, women. Therefor, Madison Avenue, in their marketing brilliance, caters advertising messages toward women, which often results in men looking stupid in commercials. Then the trickle down affect comes in to play. TV programming must cater to a predominantly female audience – again, making the men in those shows look like fools.
How do you respond? You could start to protest and try changing the culture, and I hope you’ll stay connected with us here as we do just that, but, in the interim, you need to find ways to live in your own power and enjoy a robust life. My advice is to accept that the media culture may be slanted toward women, but you should never rely on commercial programming or messaging to define you – ever.
2. You’re to Blame for All the Ills of Society
— LisaSteadman (@LisaSteadman) September 3, 2017
I remember a time in the late 80’s and early 90’s when universities were requiring men to go through “Gender Sensitivity” classes as a requirement of most majors. You had to sit through an entire semester of social indoctrination that told you that men are the instigators of all wars; that men commit 95% of all crimes and fill all the prisons. And, worse yet, that all men are sexual predators that must be neutered. And you were paying for this in order to get your degree!
You are a noble creation. Men have historically been the artists, poets, philosophers, and champions for noble causes. Yes, bad people have done bad things throughout history, but that’s not because of their gender, but what was in their hearts. You’re a good man wanting to do great things in this world. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Only you get to define who you are.
3. You Must Work Harder to Be Noticed
Are you familiar with the law of ‘supply and demand’? It applies to the dating scene as well. Why are women given free entry to night clubs and men pay? It’s because there are so many more men clamoring for the attention of a smaller pool of women. If you don’t believe me, you should see the online dating statistics! The number messages, winks, and approaches a woman on a dating site will receive can outnumber those receive by men by 15 to 1 in some cases.
Would you like further proof? Just look at the pick-up industry. Men are spending millions to learn how to get a woman’s attention. How big is the pick-up industry for women?
Is it really our culture – or is this just the way of the world among men women? In Slavic nations of Eastern Europe there is no pick-up artist industry for men. They have abundance of choices. I once had a Ukrainian sailor tell me he could have a different girlfriend every month if he wanted to – and Ukrainian women are stunning. However, there are pickup classes for women in Russia to learn how to get the attention of men there.
So what do you do to get noticed here? Every woman is attracted to a man who is comfortable with himself, confident, and able to express what he wants clearly. Be that guy and you’ll get ahead of of the pack.
4. Where Are the Role Models?
So, what does it look like to be a man today? Who would you list as a role model? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Mr. Rogers? Billy Crystal? Sting? Roger Moore? Michael Moore? Who? Since the societal shift in the 60’s we seem to have extreme typecasts of men. We have soft males and hyper masculines. But neither seems authentic. What does it look like to be a man today?
Men did not have such confusion in history further back of 150 years ago. It was simpler. Men were protectors and providers. You’re not needed to fill those role today. So what is your role? Where do you add value on this planet?
We may not have a lot of publicized role models, but there is a model of masculinity I’m going to ask you to embrace and it’s this, “The purpose of masculinity is to add strength to the world around us as men.” What does this mean in the real world? It means pointing out injustices when you see them. Defend a cause worth fighting for. Be the calm one for others to lean on in times of crisis. Just knowing that this is your calling as a man will help guide you to becoming your own role model.
5. Workplace Laws Stifle Healthy Relationships
Men sometimes find it hard to start interacting with female colleagues due to fears of harassment accusations. Depending on the level of sensitivity, some company rules may not allow flirting in the office in any form. The best way to approach this situation is to be completely transparent with your desires. Make sure both parties are comfortable with the flirting and will protect any relationship that comes out of it. It sucks, I know. But it’s better than hours in the HR office and having to watch gender sensitivity videos on sexual harassment. Sheesh.
6. The Dating Scene Favors the Rich and Tall
Chances are if you were not born rich or tall, you won’t be on top of the list of guys she wants to date, but only based on cold statistics. What do I mean by that? Imagine you were generically asked, “Do you prefer pretty women with large breasts or average looking women with average breast size? Of course, you’d pick the first choice. She’d do the same regarding height and wealth. But there are so many more factors that can work with women that don’t require either. They are looking for a feeling and any many can learn how to deliver that with training and practice.
7. Hanging Out With Other Men is Not Valued Here
The value that good men add to your life cannot be understated. You need a supportive circle of men to share life with who will relate to your journey. You need band of brothers that will have your back in tough times and that you’d do the same for them. There isn’t enough done to talk about how important this is for men in the West. When I travel abroad I see it as an integral part of the culture. Whether its Eastern Europe, Latin America, or Asia, you’ll find that men’s first circle of relationships is that of other men. The world gets it. We should too.
The unspoken secret is that the women in your life are hoping you have a circle of wise men in your life so they don’t have to worry about decisions you make because you are getting feedback from good men to help you make good decisions that will ultimately affect her too. It gives her a sense of peace.
For a more comprehensive discussion of this topic, check out this video by Dream Connections:
So, what is the conclusion in all of this? The culture may have an anti-male slant, but it gives real men a chance to shine. Many men shrink back with socially imposed guilt and ‘people pleasing’ tendencies. It paves the way for a man who is comfortable with himself, who won’t let anyone or anything else define him, to stand out. In truth, there’s never been a better time for a real man to be appreciated than today.
What is the biggest hurdle single men face? Share how you conquered it in the comments below!