Do you have that itch to start dating again? Maybe enough time has passed since your last relationship and being alone is getting old. But, at the same time, you wonder if you’ve fully recovered from the last one so you’re emotionally free to enjoy a new relationship. How do you know? Having a relationship checklist can help you know if you’re ready to date someone new and truly enjoy it.
Relationship Checklist | Are You Ready for Love?
1. Are You Legally Free and Emotionally Available For One?
First of all, the most basic question is, are you legally free to date again? For some, a divorce can be done in a day, while for others, it can drag on for years. But the painful truth is that until you are legally free, you are still tied to a past relationship and you have to truly assess how much it clouds your daily life and how it would affect a new relationship. My advice is to only date casually until you are legally free.
Second, are you emotionally free to be in a new relationship? Often, people seek out the comfort of a new person to make them feel better, distract them from pain, or affirm a broken self-worth. Your new partner does not deserve to be part of a three-way with your past.
2. Is She the Icing On the Cake Or the Cake Itself?
— Washington DC (@DCUndergroundED) June 30, 2017
Your goal is to have a full and richly rewarding life completely independent of your romantic relationships. My famous analogy is that your posture should be that of a king with a growing kingdom, hence, you’re just looking for the right queen to bring by your side. That makes her the icing on the cake – not the cake itself.
Too many men make the pursuit of the woman their new goal and ambition. But that’s not interesting to the woman – she already knows herself, furthermore, it comes off as needy. The woman wants to be part of your adventure, and therefore, finding her role as your right hand; ready to fight by your side.
Dr. Annie Lalla, psychologist and family therapist, says, “The woman will fall in love as much with your dream as she does with you. She wants to be that trampoline for your passion to help you bounce back when you feel down.”
Let her be icing and cherry on top of your life cake. Just fill your life in a way that it is rewarding with or without the woman and that spirit of ambition and independence will actually make you more attractive to them!
3. Do You Even Know What You’re Looking For?
In the second chapter of my book, International Dating – A Man’s Guide to Romance Overseas, I walk you through the process of imaging a day in your life with the woman of your dreams. Since many men are intimidated by beautiful women, I encourage you to think about a day in your life with this woman after you’ve been together for 5 years. You’re comfortable with the fact that she’s gorgeous, hence your description of your day is more about the energy you share together.
Think about everything from the moment you wake up together and she’s on the pillow next to you until you come back to bed at night. What does it feel like to be with her? Is it comfortable? Do you laugh a lot? Does she serve you? How do you serve her? When you have this day firmly written down, make it a deeply emotional experience. That will serve you like you can’t imagine. It will lead you to that person like a GPS guidance system and you’ll know when you are with the right person with a deep sense of conviction.
4. Is She Genuinely Into You?
We love women for their feminine nature that is caring, warm, kind, and hospitable. When you find yourself in the presence of a truly authentic woman you may not be able to distinguish whether she’s genuinely into you or just being pleasant and polite; at least not at first.
My suggestion is to throw out a declaration and request that will help you assess if you’re both on the same page or not. I suggest you let her know how much you enjoy the energy between you and ask if she feels it too. Then give a forecast of what could await her in a relationship with you, such as, “I was thinking about going out on a sailing boat with a friend and I immediately thought of how much I would enjoy it if you were there with me.” This is leadership in the early stages and it’s strong. This stuff works.
5. Do You See Your Role in Why the Last One Failed?
— Andreas Schauer (@ahumanlikeu) October 12, 2016
I have this conversation with men in counseling all the time. They come to me very bitter and pissed off after a bad break up or divorce. I don’t discount the hurt they experienced, but the focus is wrong. When I would ask a man about his role in the last failed relationship, they usually respond a bit defensively, “Well, no one is perfect. I’m sure I did some things wrong, but it doesn’t justify the way I was treated!” Yes, grasshopper. The secret is in your answer. Perhaps what you did wrong was create a condition where it was acceptable for you to be treated with disrespect. What did you do to make that OK for her to do? At that point, there is usually silence.
Yes, we understand that entering into a relationship can result in getting hurt, but it doesn’t have to be self-inflicted wounds. Taking responsibility for your actions is only half of the step toward healing. Realizing you created an atmosphere where you could be disrespected is the other half.
6. Are You Confident in Yourself?
Agreeing with her whims just because you don’t want to lose her is a sign of weakness and, possibly, a controlling relationship. Confidence is key, and your partner may find you more attractive if you are firm with your decisions. That means you shouldn’t be afraid to put your foot down if you disagree with her.
7. Are You Comfortable with Her?
If you are able to say whatever you want or act however you feel, then you should absolutely pursue a relationship with this person. Being honest with your partner and yourself should translate to a free and spontaneous relationship, which is one of the goals of a healthy relationship.
If you are already in a relationship, here’s a checklist that will tell you if you should stay or not courtesy of The School of Life:
Being in a relationship may be easier said than done. That’s why having a relationship checklist can serve as your personal reality check. Some may call it overthinking, but being aware of your strengths and weaknesses can only help. This checklist will not only help you become a better partner, but a better person too!
Do you agree with the points mentioned above? Share your own relationship checklist in the comments below!