These days, dating is harder than ever. With the popularity of online dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, talking to women in person is a dying art. It’s easier to talk to someone through a screen. Why is that? Honestly, it’s fear of rejection.
Fear of rejection is a really normal and common emotion. Being told no hurts our ego and our confidence. It also crushes our fantasies. It’s just easier to wonder “what if” rather than actually go talk to a woman and have to end the fantasy.
However, our fear shouldn’t hold us back.
If we start viewing ourselves and our relationships with other people differently, then we live a way more fulfilling life, free from anxiety. So, how exactly can we overcome our fear of rejection?
Fear Of Rejection: How To Boost Your Self-Esteem
1. Know your history
Take a good look at who you are and what you’ve been through. Gain a clear insight about who you are. What are your fears and why are you afraid of them? Most of the time, the answers to those questions lie in your history. Some of us grew up with parents who would compare us with others. That usually leads to a strong need to meet high expectations — and a fear of not living up to those expectations. Some of us were abandoned by a person close to us, which makes us fear it’ll happen again.
But the truth is, you’ve been through something a lot of other people haven’t. Take comfort in that. Be confident. The obstacles you’ve overcome are way more difficult than being told “no” by someone. Look for that hurdle and embrace it.
2. Accept pain as it is
Rejection, however mild or severe, gives us a really bad feeling. Being told no is always hard. It hurts when someone makes us feel rejected. Our insecurities sometimes get the best of us. But the pain is only hurtful if you let it get to you.
Understand that rejection is normal and we ALL experience it at some point. Cliché as it may sound, it really is a matter of picking ourselves up after we fall. Even the most successful people we know today received painful rejections before finally getting to where they are.
In sales, if you can convert 20 percent of leads or customers, that’s phenomenal. But think about that. Converting 20 percent means that you’re being told “no” 80 times out of 100. Embrace the no’s so you can get to the yeses!
3. Give power back to yourself
Don’t base your emotions on other people’s feelings. This is a constant problem with our hunger for validation. We want people’s approval, and being denied it may feel like the end of the world for us, but it is not.
Stop thinking you are not good enough. Have a clear vision of who you are as a person and don’t simply rely on other people’s opinion to get a sense of self. We only give the power to fear if we keep building our anxieties. The key really is to shift that power balance.
Social media is a big piece of this. It’s easy to compare ourselves to what we see online, with smiling couples showing how awesome everything is. Just remember, that’s bullshit. They only show what they’re pretending to be. Just focus on yourself, and you’ll do great.
4. It’s okay to take risks
Just do it. It’s okay to be afraid, to feel the fear, but it shouldn’t stop you. Fear of rejection should not prevent us from doing what we want to do. People might turn us down, but we shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. Instead, use the rejection as a tool for self-improvement. Learn from an unpleasant situation and grow as a person from that experience. Like what Mark Zuckerberg said, “We must take risks today to learn lessons of tomorrow.”
5. Live in the present
Don’t spend your present and future living in the past. Live in the present moment, so that your future will be bright! pic.twitter.com/1NT77J2Bxo
— Michael Johnson (@mastersofmoney1) June 27, 2017
Anxiety is a product of overthinking. It’s a problem created by constantly worrying about the future. If you feel like a situation is taking a toll on you, stop for a moment and find your center. Life can be chaotic, especially when it’s our relationships with other people that gets us all worked up. Sometimes, there’s just too much pressure. But the truth of the matter is, we don’t have all the answers to everything. Take a moment to declutter your mind.
Look, when we look at EVERYTHING we have to do, it’s really easy to feel overwhelmed. So step back, prioritize what you’ve got going on, and tackle one problem at a time!
6. Look at things from a new perspective
Change your thought patterns by replacing negative ideas with healthy and positive ones. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Counter your fears with affirmations by thinking more about what you have to be grateful for, and try not focus so much on things you’re struggling with. Always try to look for the silver lining in every situation. What you think of as a failure may not be so bad if you allow it to make you better. So learn to celebrate life and individuality.
7. Gain back self-confidence
We live in a social world. Our social interactions won’t always get everyone’s approval. We risk being criticized and judged by other people every time we do something. But fear of rejection is really nothing more than a reflection of our low self-esteem. We get easily affected by other people’s opinion about us, which we absolutely do not have any control over. And if we can’t control what others think, do we really care what their opinion is? Does a random acquaintance’s opinion really matter?
Gaining confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an ongoing process. Improve your social skills and learn to be more assertive when interacting with people. While rejections are unavoidably painful, you can at least lessen the effect on you. Work to continuously improve yourself and you’ll find that a no really doesn’t bother you anymore.
Here’s a motivational story on why you should not be discouraged when pursuing your dream:
— Sherri Rosen (@sherrirosen) July 4, 2017
Check out these tips on how to counter the fear of rejection courtesy of Brendon.com:
We can’t hold back from interacting with other people just because of our fear of rejection. If we did, we’d miss out on all the fun and exciting things people can give us. Remember, in every scenario where we might get a ‘no’, there is also the potential of us getting a ‘yes’. We have to constantly develop a resilient mindset because, let’s face it, rejections are inevitable. Learn to not take it personally and just move on.
Did these tips help you overcome your fear of rejection? Share events or realizations that helped you surpass past hurdles in the comments below!
Up Next: How to Tie A Tie