One of the things I hear from many of my male clients is that they have been told to “compliment, compliment, compliment” when it comes to women. Things along the lines of, “Just compliment her about anything. Women love to get compliments!” I call this neutral advice because while it’s not bad advice, it’s not good advice either. Yes, a genuine compliment feels fantastic! But by the same token, receiving a compliment that’s insincere and sounds canned can hurt you a lot. Here’s a quick guide on complimenting correctly!
Canned vs Real Compliment
1. Make it real
The first and most obvious tip is to make sure that the compliments are (and not just sound) sincere. When guys read bad advice colums and go on a date, the compliments sound like forced dialogue. “You look pretty,” “I love that dress,” or “You’re prettier than your pictures,” all sound like stock “compliment cards” that you whipped out of your back pocket to hand her. It reeks of rehearsed lines and memorized conversation.
But don’t get me wrong, compliments are great when real! So make sure that you are complimenting her on something that really stands out to you. And inject some emotion into it. If something about her catches your eye, feel free to compliment her on that. But make it sound like what you’d tell your friends about her. “Wow, your hair is so beautiful it makes me want to run my fingers through it!” “You’re so stunning that it took my brain a second to catch up to my body when I first saw you.”
2. Go beyond observations
Have you ever been walking with a baseball bat down to the park (or something similar) and run into one of your friends and they say to you, “Ah! Going to play some baseball, huh?” Well…..duh. Perhaps you’re eating a sandwhich at your dest at 11:40 and your coworker Bob comes by and offer, “Oh, you getting some lunch?” Um,….yeah,….I am. It’s so obvious that it makes you want to smack your forehead. Unfortunately, this is how many men compliment. “I like your hair.” Um, great. “That’s a pretty dress!” Yes, yes it is. Instead of these, go beyond just the observation and add some emotion to it. Basically describing why you are complimenting her on that particular thing. “I like your hair! I’ve always thought that black hair seemed suave and mysterious.” “That’s a pretty dress! It reminds me of the ocean in the Caribbean.”
3. Be unexpected
While compliments done right are great, sometimes, they can be overdone. For instance, I once dated a girl with one blue eye and one green eye. It was so different and stood out so much that every person that she met would always compliment her or comment on them. It happened so much that it got really old to her and if someone did try and compliemt her on them, she would just get annoyed and lump them into the “just like everyone else” category in her head. That is never a category that you want to be in if you’re trying to woo your fair lass. So don’t mention them and instead, mention, and compliment, something else entirely.
A coloquial, pithy saying about this is, “If she’s beautiful, tell her she’s smart. If she’s smart, tell her she’s beautiful.” It’s too simplistic, but gets to the core and that is to do what other guys are not. Other examples of this would be flaming red hair, being extremely tall or short, a very noticeable tattoo or has an obvious trait (Olympic athlete, former model, CEO of company). They usually hear about these particular things all the time. You want to stand out from the crowd and be an original.
Complimenting your date is a great way to build chemistry and hopefully make her feel good about herself. But done wrong, it could actually hurt your chances. So get out there and make the most of your compliments, turning yourself from “every other guy” into the “interesting and unexpected stranger!”